SCARED? YOU HAVE NO IDEA.


so, results are out. and i managed to get straight As. and so did the other 9.000 SPM candidates in Malaysia. dont get me wrong, i am completely grateful. syukur sangat. but the fight have not ended. i think it just begun.
now, i'm having sleepless nights thinking about my future. i have applied for a bunch of scholarships and i always always pray that i'll be chosen for one. or at least shortlisted. but deep deep down, there's always a voice in my head thinking, what if no one wants to sponsor me? what if people thought 10 As wasn't good enough? and then i start feeling sorry for myself.

but today. today made all the difference for me. i found out Alia got a shortlisted for Yayasan TNB. i was of course so so HAPPY for her but at the same time i couldn't help but feel a bit of envy. and then i found out about all these other people around the world who lost their families, their money, practically their whole lives in the blink of an eye, it just hit me. i am not as grateful as i claim to be. who am i to mope around for not getting my way while others are fighting in a battle to not lose their lives?

and so i get it now. that i am more blessed than many many people. that everything is going to work out somehow. that Allah will help me through. that I will pull myself though. that i have people i love around me. that i get the chance to try and succeed. that i have the ability to be somebody. that i am confident that things will be okay.

So yeahh, i'm still going to charge my phone and answer every call that comes through. i'm still gonna check my mail and e-mail everyday. i'm still probably going to be a bit envious of people that managed to get through.

the difference is that i will always know that i will pull through too. and that Allah has a plan for me. i may have not even seen a part of the big picture but i think i might have just had a glimpse of it. and I'll be OKAY. i promise. :)

loves, nana :)

ps. shoutout to my sayang Alia, congrats for being shortlisted bb, i'm so proud of you. go to that camp and kick some butt.we both know you deserve it :D